Anger.
A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. It is such an emotion that is felt when a person is treated cruelly or unjustly or witnesses acts of cruelty or injustice.
Every single person gets angry. It is often viewed as a negative emotion, but it has certain benefits only if it is controlled properly. Because think about it…if we never ever get angry, then we wouldn’t have the ability to defend ourselves, our lives, our honor, our families or our wealth in the face of injustice and cruelty.
The popular notion when it comes to anger is to release it, to vent, to break things, to scream and shout, to use foul language, to punch someone or throw something! “Let it all out” is the advice. Yes, in the heat of the moment such a person may feel relieved for “letting it all out”, but later as he looks around at everything he’s broken and pauses to reflect on everything he said, he will begin to regret his actions.
Anger is one letter short of “Danger”. Without controlling it properly, the effects can be extremely harmful not only to the person himself but also to those around him. It could tarnish one’s character and ruin relationships because sometimes innocent bystanders end up bearing the brunt of this emotion eg. children.
So is there a way to deal with anger? Yes.
The Qur’an gives us the best solution, which is to control and swallow it. And this can only be done when we sincerely forgive others, when we move past incidents and wipe the slate clean without holding onto grudges.
Allah says in Surah Ash-Shura, ayah 37 describing the believers:
وَإِذَا مَا غَضِبُوا هُمْ يَغْفِرُونَ
“and when they are angry, they forgive”
Allah also describes the Muttaqeen in Surah Ale Imran, ayah 134 as:
وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ
“and who restrain anger and who pardon the people”
So the Muttaqeen are those people who don’t let their emotions run wild. They keep calm and restrain their anger, and they even go one step further by pardoning those who made them angry in the first place!
The Prophet (saw) said: “The strong man is not the good wrestler; but the strong man is he who controls himself when he is angry.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari]
Bravery and strength are noble qualities to have. In today’s society however, those who are aggressive and dominant and curse and say whatever they want – are generally considered as “brave” or “bold”.
However through this Hadith we learn that real bravery is not to overpower another. Rather, real bravery is to control yourself, esp at the time of anger. The strong person in the Sight of Allah is the one who has self-control, so he stays within his limits by restraining himself from saying or doing anything that displeases his Lord.
Can anger be controlled?
Anger is a natural emotion and it can be controlled and managed. The one who sincerely wants to, and he puts in the effort and makes Du’a, then Allah will give him the ability to control his anger.
Here are a few tips:
Find out the cause of your irritation or anger and change it if you can. For eg. if your child keeps knocking over the furniture, try moving it somewhere else, instead of getting angry at your child.
Hold yourself back and control your tongue. If you have to say something, then let it be something good, like making Du’a for the other person eg. May Allah guide you or May Allah help you see the error of your ways.
Change your physical position. If you’re standing, sit down. Because when you’re standing, you’re in a position to strike. But when you sit down, it is difficult for you to do so because your movement becomes restricted.
Narrated Abu Dharr: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said to us: When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down. [Sunan Abi Dawud]
Perform wudhu. The mission of Shaytan is to incite the human being at every possible moment. Shaytan is created from fire, and so he kindles a fire in the heart of Adam causing him to get angry. And the simple cure to putting out that “fire” is water. So perform wudhu and if the anger still doesn’t subside, try taking a cold shower.
Make Du’a. Ask Allah for help and assistance. And seek refuge in Allah from the incitements of Shaytan.
Think about the long term consequences. So many people stop talking to each other because of things said or done during a heated moment of anger. It can ruin relationships, lead to mental and emotional trauma, cause physical harm and even financial loss eg. in a moment of rage a person can damage something really valuable.
Look for solutions. If there’s someone who keeps angering you, reflect on what it is exactly that’s making you angry. Ask yourself: Is it really a big deal? Can I maybe overlook their behaviour? If it is a big deal, can I ask them politely to change their behaviour? Can I give them an alternative? Why are they behaving that way towards me, is it something I am doing unconsciously?
Benefits of controlling anger
When a person controls his anger, it shows that he is a strong person.
The Prophet (saw) said: “The strong man is not the good wrestler; but the strong man is he who controls himself when he is angry.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari]
There is a huge reward from Allah.
Hadith: There is no sip greater in reward near Allah than the sip of anger, the servant suppresses it seeking the pleasure of Allah.” [Ibn Majah].
When you are controlling your anger, it feels like you’re swallowing something. This one sip of anger that you swallow has a great reward near Allah.
He is saved from punishment.
Hadith: “Whoever restricts his tongue, Allah will cover his faults. Whoever restrains his anger, Allah will restrain his punishment on the Day of Resurrection.” [Shu’ab al Imaan. Graded Hasan by Al-Albani]
The Best Advice
A man came to the Prophet (ﷺ) once and sought his advice.
Abu Hurairah narrated that a man came to the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and said: “Teach me something that is not too much for me so that, perhaps, I may abide by it.” He (ﷺ) said: “Do not get angry.” He repeated that (the request) a number of times, each time he replied: ‘Do not get angry.” [At-Tirmidhi]
This is such a beautiful advice. If we were to apply this, then we can go on to solve many problems in our lives. Problems will always be there. It is only when we don’t know how to solve them that we become upset, frustrated and angry. So look for solutions when you are faced with difficulties and even if you do get angry, ensure you control it and channelize it properly without causing harm to yourself or those around you.
